Death and life

I am going all existential and shit right now. I am so tired mentally. My skin is so bad right now.

Feeling frustrated and foolish

I am tired.- not physically but mentally. I am drained. I don't know what to do, who to trust or where to go. I am going for a run down by the river. Exercise is not helping me out right now. I am going to turn into a total hermit and not talk to anyone else any more. Adios! I'm dunzo.

Frustrations

For the last 12 years I have been a homeowner. An unwilling homeowner at that. For the last 4 years I have been fairly responsible for the condo- financially. I can't afford it. Never have and don't really want to. The house was bought as an investment for my university life. I graduated university 9 years ago. I have not lived in Nova Scotia in 4 years and not in Canada for 3. Why do I still own the place? Not really sure. Why do I not sell it? My parents want to keep it. Why do they not take over it? They don't want to. Why am I drowning in debt, living/working in Korea to pay for my parents house in Canada, while my millionaire parents sit pretty in their multi million dollar beach front property? Damned if I know. I am 31, and make pretty decent money- not great but decent. I am able to save a whopping 2 bucks a year. WOO HOO! At this rate I can retire when I am 150 thousand years old BUT i will have a house to retire to. One with mouldy rotten carpets, a bathroom with a giant hole in the wall, a kitchen whose counters are sinking in and cupboards are falling apart and last time I was there was infested with mice; all in a city I never intend to work or live in. Does this make sense to anyone? If it does, would you care to enlighten me. Seriously. Fill me in here. I have banged my head against a wall for far too long and at this point can't afford to waste any more brain cells.

random weekends

So I met a friend in Itaewon for Thai food and then we wandered around. During dinner we were both complaining about how sore our backs were and how we needed massages. So we found a place and for a 50 minute aroma therapy back massage was 40 thousand won- just under 40 dollars. So we went for it. It was interesting for sure! The guy somehow ended up massaging my breasts- last time I checked my breasts WEREN'T on my back. I almost shat but didn't.

I feel a bit better- I almost have my neck back.

Writing....

So I have decided that I need an outlet to my stress. Since it is so FREAKING HOT in Korea, I am turning to writing. It has been very cathartic for me. I want to start walking again but summer is still raging in this land. Once it cools down then I am going to start walking again. Have my ITunes play list set up and am ready to do it. I am letting random little things build up inside me and I am starting to feel the effects of the stress. This is not a good thing at all. No job should ever make anyone feel as horrible as I feel at this job. I am a fairly competent and confident lady but this job makes me feel like pond scum. Like total pond scum. That is not cool.

Tears and Stress

So I have spent most of the last week drugged out of my mind and sleeping. The rest of the week I spent uncontrollably crying at work. I am very stressed out and that is not cool. I need to change the situation. As a friend told me "You are a smart woman. You just need to change when you are nice to people and when you are a bitch to people." I thought about it and he has a point. I was mad at first but it made sense. Hearing criticism about your own personality/character is never easy to hear but it is easier when it is from a friend.

So work has me totally freaked out and stressed. I'm not getting into specifics as I know blogs are so widely read and I do not want to screw up the chances for my future. I am not happy and I've got to change my situation. Seriously have to change it. No job should cause that much stress. EVER. I know a lot of people do not always like their jobs but this is just not right.

Infections, fevers and meds oh my!

I am sick. I have medication. It is making me incredibly sleepy and crappy. I can barely function. I passed out at work and was sent home- I am happy the director stood up for me. I had asked yesterday if someone could cover my afternoon class and everyone gave me some lame ass excuse. Thankfully the director stepped up.