Thursday, May 22, 2008

Do or die time

Things are still looking bleak on the job front in Halifax.  Yay.  I can't wait to leave it all behind!  I want some to make a killer offer on this house, so I can just be done with it.  It's sucking the life out of me and has been doing so for 12 years.  I am really not trying to come across as a spoiled brat.  I've spent 12 years being forced to be responsible for a place I don't want and never did.  I've never been allowed to grow up and move on with my life.  Halifax and Green Street are like some kind of life sucking vortex- at least for me.  This is not for me.  Once I am certified, I am shutting down my Canadian bank accounts, selling my car, selling everything I own(with a few exceptions) and handing the keys to my house over to my parents.  It is now time they deal with it, with it's mould, rotten walls and carpets.  I never want to see this house again.  I really mean it.  I am not one to live in one place for very long.  It's making me the most miserable person- no wonder I can't sustain friendships or relationships- how can I when I am miserable and so very unhappy?  I don't think it's fair.  Really and truly not fair to me.  While I am not 100% sure where I'll end up, I'm cool with that.  I need to live as Erin McGrail, wherever that may be.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

OK, yesterday was a pain induced rant

Yesterday was a pain induced rant.  I am still pissed about no work but I know it will happen soon.
I have a broken left foot and now I am on some pain killers.  These should kick in soon and I'll be happy once again.  I am hoping that I can sleep tonight- that will be oh so lovely.  
I am going to go make some tea, watch some TV and curl up in bed.
Night all

Monday, May 19, 2008

Antsy, Angsty, fed up

Still no work.  I am beyond frustrated.  I'm now convinced that I have NOTHING to offer.  What the hell have I been doing with my life the last 12 years?  Wasting my time, expending my energy for what?  For nothing.  I am stuck in  hole of a country, in a hole of a city that has no work.  I have no money, and am drowning in bills that I cannot pay.  THIS is exactly where I wanted to be at 30.  Wow.  All my dreams have come true.  Now I can die a happy woman.  This seriously sucks.  Where is the good karma, man?  I thought that if you do good for the world, you are supposed to paid back?  Well, pay back is LONG OVER DUE. As are my visa bills, condo fees and phone bills.  I at least know that I won't freeze when my power is cut off- we are coming into summer.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Been in Canada for a month

I've been home in Canada for a month.  Can I leave now?  Seriously?   I will be a willing kidnapping victim!