Monday, November 30, 2009


I am having a run of crappy luck. I had a long talk with my Mum this morning. She always gives good advice- even when I don't want to hear it. I've fallen for a person who has absolutely no feelings for me. As much as I try to put the feelings away I can't- how can you turn your emotions off like a tap? I have major self confidence issues and pretty much zero self esteem. I am 31 years old and I hate myself. I am single and not that I want a partner/husband- I would like to date. But as a 31 year old "fat chick"= I'm hardly disgusting- nobody wants to touch me. We all have our own tastes and preferences- I get that. I honestly feel like I am in high school again- as a student not as a teacher.
SO my mother told me to put this asshole in my past= that he has no place in my future. She's right- I've been down this path before and I don't need to repeat it. I need to just walk away from it. It sounds easy enough but it is the hardest thing I will have done at this point in my life. She said I had a choice- give up on him or give up on myself. So I chose him- give up on him not me.

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